Aunt Gertrude's Facial Hair

By Deborah Russell

Personally, I believe NSA's surveillance of United States citizens started several years ago, long before September 11, without judicial approval or statutory authorization and became a free-for-all, after the Bush claim of "having the authority and right to spy". Then again, I never did take too much stock in government "going ons".

There probably was never a secret about spying, even as children, we knew the government was illegally spying on our citizens. We played spy games, ordered spy merchandise, and even bought cereal that had free spy toys.

Government spying is a tradition in this country. The difference now, from previous illegal government spying is, that this illegal spying is out in the open.

We know our government is spying on us, but we didn't want to think about it and we didn't want to talk about it before, either because we were embarrassed or (more likely) we knew there wasn't a thing we could do to prevent or stop it... not discussing the spying was our "tradition" and we learned to do it well, like not talking about Aunt Gertrude's facial hair, especially that one, long hair, growing out of the little, teeny- tiny, brown mole, on her cheek.

You know its there, so does everyone else, but it takes years for you to learn how to avoid thinking or talking about it and then, it takes years for you to learn how to speak up and admit that you knew it was there all along.

Of course, those of us, who remember reading George Orwell, in junior high school, were aware of government spying, just as we were aware of the political propaganda (meant


to instill a sense of patriotism) through "paid for by the US government films" that most of us, were bright enough to reject, in elementary school and throughout our public education.

In the sixties, when government went Hollywood, it became difficult even for our parents (who served in "the big one") to maintain a patriotic sense, and "pride" for our government - especially when confronted by their flesh and blood, with honest questions that deserved honest answers.

Will Bush and our government agencies continue conducting warrantless surveillance of communications in the United States? Probably, but damn it - we need to believe they won't, because we need that tiny bit of hope that tells us that our democracy can turn around and be a government for and by the people.

But what is the one thing that will make us believe illegal spying will stop??? A big ol lawsuit, that's what and this, by god, is the American way... not God's way - but the American way.

Bush, who maintains, wiretapping is legal and necessary, points to a congressional resolution (passed after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001) that "authorized" him to use force in the fight against terrorism as allowing him to order the program.

Hmmm, well I'm not a government spy, but I see him, in my mind's eye, wearing Buster Brown shoes, yellow, combed-cotton socks, brown twill short pants and a brown and yellow stripe, short-sleeve cotton jersey shirt, pointing his finger at everyone in the class and blaming the entire second-grade, for putting gum in his seat.

The very next day, he comes to school with dental mirrors taped to his shoes and another one, taped to his number 2 pencil, and he has his secret, folding spy glass, tucked under his peanut butter sandwich, in his new, Tom Mix, lunch box. Now that, is terrorism.

Well, common sense hasn't been shot to hell, Mr. President, but we - we, the people, we do know you... you are the kid who made up rules for every damned board game you played.

You were the boy, who always whined, stomped your feet and stuck out your tongue, if anyone disagreed. You were the one with that funny expression, that isn't so much a smile, as a sneer, every time you got your way. You were the one that made everyone on the bus lose recess, because you kept making those farting noises with your leg, after the bus driver said, "One more time, and..." Yeah, we know you.

You took all the monopoly money and hid it under your legs and shoved the big bills, up your sleeves. You had to be first, first in line, first at the bus stop, first one to get their report card, first one to reach the opposite side of the street, first one to get your Keds, first one to get your milk carton ...

You were always right and always had to win everything: spelling bees, hopscotch, red light, hide and seek, the game of Life and Monopoly, even if it meant thumping the arrow or rolling the dice, ten times in-a-row, so you could land on the finish line.

The news tells me, the suits are filed and the Detroit suit, which names the NSA, was filed by the ACLU, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, Greenpeace and several individuals...

Well good, that's nice to know... it means that people still believe in rights, and there is a very small hope that most of this country's citizens believe in civil rights as well, but what else, can we possibly believe in, except civil rights?

I think, if they win the case, they should post a list of every person that was deemed "a terror risk". If nothing else, it would make good sit-com material, and, who knows, maybe there is some government funding for producing the film?

Well, hey, its a beautiful day in the neighborhood...a beautiful day in the neighborhood...hey...I said, heyyyy....wait, a minute...don't beat around the Bush, give it to me straight, is that a spy cam in my Aspen???