4 Sex Tips Just for Newlyweds
By Karissa O'Reilly
Top sex and relationship experts offer up the keys to staying in a state of bedded bliss.
• Back in the days of virgin brides, newlywed sex was likely an earth-shattering event. But with 80 percent of women engaging in premarital sex, and 65 percent cohabiting before tying the knot, according to the National Opinion Research Center, many young women today have tried every move in the book by the time they hit their wedding-night sheets. And having all of that experience under your belt — literally — can present a challenge when it comes to making things new and exciting once your commitment is officially sealed.
"Couples often create an image in their minds of how much better sex will be once the rings are on," says Gloria G. Brame, PhD, a clinical sexologist in Georgia. "But a wedding ceremony doesn't transform your intimate life; you have to take charge of breathing new energy into it." To find out how to do that, Cosmo went straight to some of the nation's premier sex and relationship experts for their essential advice.
NEWLYWED TIP 1
Take a Hiatus Expert: Gloria Brame, PhD, a clinical sexologist in Georgia
"Building up anticipation can make newlywed sex more intense. When couples abstain from sex in the weeks before their nuptials, they may find that their wedding-night sex is the best sex of their lives simply because they're jonesing for it. This is a technique you can use long after the honeymoon's over. The psychology is simple human nature: You need it, you want it. and you can't get it yet…and that makes you want it all the more.
"What's going on here is not only psychological but physical as well. Physiologically speaking, an absence of bedroom activity causes your hormones to rage, and this likely makes your partner look even sexier and more desirable to you. Hormones are powerful chemicals, as powerful for women as for men. First, let your man in on the plan so he doesn't feel rejected. Then feel free to tease him for hours, days, or even a week. Whether you're writing him suggestive e-mails during the workday, giving him long, lingering kisses and nothing else, or sleeping next to him naked while initiating other things but not intercourse, you're creating that necessary tension. By the time you give in, you'll both be incredibly worked up, which will lead to stronger orgasms."
NEWLYWED TIP 2
Get Into Lust-After-Him Mode Expert: Clinical sexologist Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of Mypleasure.com
"Novelty is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs. The trick is to use the excitement of being a newlywed to train your mind to focus on looking at your husband in new and exciting ways.
"First let the more mundane, comfortable aspects of the relationship fall by the wayside. Don't think of him as the guy who takes care of you when you're sick, cuddles with you when you're sad, and helps you with the everyday chores. Let that fall away, and focus strictly on his sexual aspects. What is it about him that really turns you on? Maybe it's watching how aggressive he gets while he's playing basketball or the way he looks right after he steps out of the shower. And the next time you lay eyes on him, really zone in on a specific body part of his that you find erotic. Maybe it'll be his tight tush that always drove you mad or his strong arms that you longed to be held in. If you stay in that mind-set, where you're continually making an effort to see each other through earlystages eyes, it will stick with you throughout your marriage."
NEWLYWED TIP 3
Be Carnally Creative Before You Reach the Finish Line Expert: Sex therapist Barry McCarthy, PhD, coauthor of Getting ft Right the First Time: Creating a Healthy Marriage
"One of the reasons couples continue to do the same routine that they've used since they were dating is they know exactly when to hit the hot button that's going to make their partner orgasm.
And while you don't want to shelve a sure-fire sex move, the first year or so of your marriage is the time to be on the lookout for new ways to please each other, starting with foreplay.
'Try blindfolding your husband, then use some new moves on him. With his vision gone, he'll be able to focus on the sensations. Rub an ice cube on his nipples, take a sip of a hot drink before you go down on him, or lick him in a new place around his penis but not directly on it. Watch his body for signs of arousal, which, besides the obvious, include faster breathing, an increased heart rate, and moaning or even shaking a little when you hit a new spot. Then let him do the same to you. A couple will still be having good sex 10 years into the relationship (and beyond) if they have a flexible sexual repertoire."
NEWLYWED TIP 4
Re-create an Erotic Experience Expert: Pat Love, EdD, author of Hot Monogamy
"When a couple is just starting to date, they go through a period where they can't keep their hands off each other. They have intense chemistry, and that's not just a figure of speech. Studies have shown that when someone is infatuated with a new sex partner, their body reacts chemically and they find it hard to focus on anything other than having sex with the object of their infatuation.
"To re-create those carnally charged days, think back to the things you used to do, and do them now. In the beginning, sex was an adventure and you'd often take risks. It's likely you'd have sex in places other than the bedroom, so bring back those days by having sex in a restroom or in a car or outside in a pool.
"Or replay a specifically hot scenario you experienced together early in your relationship. Maybe it's the time he helped you move into your new apartment and instead of unpacking, you turned on the radio, drank wine straight out of the bottle, and got it on right then and there on the mattress on the floor. Surprise your man with the same sheets (or lack thereof), wine, or even the clothes you remember wearing. Conjuring up the same tactile experience will help you to replay the hotness of the moment and just go with it."
Source: Cosmopolitan
Top sex and relationship experts offer up the keys to staying in a state of bedded bliss.
• Back in the days of virgin brides, newlywed sex was likely an earth-shattering event. But with 80 percent of women engaging in premarital sex, and 65 percent cohabiting before tying the knot, according to the National Opinion Research Center, many young women today have tried every move in the book by the time they hit their wedding-night sheets. And having all of that experience under your belt — literally — can present a challenge when it comes to making things new and exciting once your commitment is officially sealed.
"Couples often create an image in their minds of how much better sex will be once the rings are on," says Gloria G. Brame, PhD, a clinical sexologist in Georgia. "But a wedding ceremony doesn't transform your intimate life; you have to take charge of breathing new energy into it." To find out how to do that, Cosmo went straight to some of the nation's premier sex and relationship experts for their essential advice.
NEWLYWED TIP 1
Take a Hiatus Expert: Gloria Brame, PhD, a clinical sexologist in Georgia
"Building up anticipation can make newlywed sex more intense. When couples abstain from sex in the weeks before their nuptials, they may find that their wedding-night sex is the best sex of their lives simply because they're jonesing for it. This is a technique you can use long after the honeymoon's over. The psychology is simple human nature: You need it, you want it. and you can't get it yet…and that makes you want it all the more.
"What's going on here is not only psychological but physical as well. Physiologically speaking, an absence of bedroom activity causes your hormones to rage, and this likely makes your partner look even sexier and more desirable to you. Hormones are powerful chemicals, as powerful for women as for men. First, let your man in on the plan so he doesn't feel rejected. Then feel free to tease him for hours, days, or even a week. Whether you're writing him suggestive e-mails during the workday, giving him long, lingering kisses and nothing else, or sleeping next to him naked while initiating other things but not intercourse, you're creating that necessary tension. By the time you give in, you'll both be incredibly worked up, which will lead to stronger orgasms."
NEWLYWED TIP 2
Get Into Lust-After-Him Mode Expert: Clinical sexologist Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of Mypleasure.com
"Novelty is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs. The trick is to use the excitement of being a newlywed to train your mind to focus on looking at your husband in new and exciting ways.
"First let the more mundane, comfortable aspects of the relationship fall by the wayside. Don't think of him as the guy who takes care of you when you're sick, cuddles with you when you're sad, and helps you with the everyday chores. Let that fall away, and focus strictly on his sexual aspects. What is it about him that really turns you on? Maybe it's watching how aggressive he gets while he's playing basketball or the way he looks right after he steps out of the shower. And the next time you lay eyes on him, really zone in on a specific body part of his that you find erotic. Maybe it'll be his tight tush that always drove you mad or his strong arms that you longed to be held in. If you stay in that mind-set, where you're continually making an effort to see each other through earlystages eyes, it will stick with you throughout your marriage."
NEWLYWED TIP 3
Be Carnally Creative Before You Reach the Finish Line Expert: Sex therapist Barry McCarthy, PhD, coauthor of Getting ft Right the First Time: Creating a Healthy Marriage
"One of the reasons couples continue to do the same routine that they've used since they were dating is they know exactly when to hit the hot button that's going to make their partner orgasm.
And while you don't want to shelve a sure-fire sex move, the first year or so of your marriage is the time to be on the lookout for new ways to please each other, starting with foreplay.
'Try blindfolding your husband, then use some new moves on him. With his vision gone, he'll be able to focus on the sensations. Rub an ice cube on his nipples, take a sip of a hot drink before you go down on him, or lick him in a new place around his penis but not directly on it. Watch his body for signs of arousal, which, besides the obvious, include faster breathing, an increased heart rate, and moaning or even shaking a little when you hit a new spot. Then let him do the same to you. A couple will still be having good sex 10 years into the relationship (and beyond) if they have a flexible sexual repertoire."
NEWLYWED TIP 4
Re-create an Erotic Experience Expert: Pat Love, EdD, author of Hot Monogamy
"When a couple is just starting to date, they go through a period where they can't keep their hands off each other. They have intense chemistry, and that's not just a figure of speech. Studies have shown that when someone is infatuated with a new sex partner, their body reacts chemically and they find it hard to focus on anything other than having sex with the object of their infatuation.
"To re-create those carnally charged days, think back to the things you used to do, and do them now. In the beginning, sex was an adventure and you'd often take risks. It's likely you'd have sex in places other than the bedroom, so bring back those days by having sex in a restroom or in a car or outside in a pool.
"Or replay a specifically hot scenario you experienced together early in your relationship. Maybe it's the time he helped you move into your new apartment and instead of unpacking, you turned on the radio, drank wine straight out of the bottle, and got it on right then and there on the mattress on the floor. Surprise your man with the same sheets (or lack thereof), wine, or even the clothes you remember wearing. Conjuring up the same tactile experience will help you to replay the hotness of the moment and just go with it."
Source: Cosmopolitan
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